The failure to take action when a marriage is in trouble was one of the most fatal mistakes I made. I was intent on saving my marriage, but I foolishly thought that things would get better on their own. After nearly getting a divorce a few years ago, I learned about 4 key steps that must be taken if you want to save your marriage. These steps worked for me, they have worked for countless others and they can work for you too!
My wife and I had been having problems in our relationship for a long time. We had tried individual counseling and couples counseling. For awhile, things would seem to get better, but always ended up right back where we had been before. Not wanting to get a divorce though, I resigned myself to living in a bad marriage and just figured things would eventually work themselves out.
My wife hit me with the shocking news one day that she didn’t want to be married anymore. It just was never something I expected to actually hear from her! I had always believed we could make it through anything and now it felt like a tremendous stab in the back from the woman I loved! Feeling an overwhelming sense of shock and grief and anger, I began doing anything I could think of to reach out to her. Saving my marriage was all I wanted at that point.
To make a long story short, my best efforts to save my marriage made the problem even worse. I later learned that I made a lot of the common critical mistakes that nearly guarantee failure! My marriage was ultimately saved, but only after I stumbled upon the secrets that would change everything and lead me toward the resource that allowed my wife and I to discover a marriage that was better than anything we had dreamed possible.
Here’s what I discovered:
- Don’t waste time blaming your spouse or yourself. This creates a dangerous pattern of finger pointing and it stops meaningful change from happening in the relationship. It makes the problems you are having much worse and it puts the focus on “you” or “me” when the focus should be on “we”.
- You must be the agent for change if real change is going to happen. Regardless of what your husband or wife is or isn’t willing to do right now, if your marriage is worth saving you must be the one to take the lead. Change starts with one person and you will be that person!
- Don’t stubbornly cling to the idea that you can fix this all by yourselves. Be willing to consider resources from an expert. We get so caught up in the dynamics and emotions of our own situation that we often “can’t see the forest for the trees.” I found a tremendous resource from an expert with years of experience at saving marriages that were thought to be doomed.
- And above all, you must be willing to take action! All the ideas and desire in the world will not help you if you sit by and wait for something to happen. It wasn’t until I took action that my marriage began to get better. You marriage does not have to be over, but you must be the one to do something about it!
This will be a tremendous beginning for the task ahead of you. But there is much more to do. You must avoid the critical mistakes that will hurt your chance to save the marriage, you must put yourself in a resourceful state and you must learn what specifically to do and say. It is all available to you if you are ready! You can read more about this approach here – Save My Marriage Now